Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My husband won't let me homeschool!

Q. My husband said that we need to send our older child back to public school while I homeschool my younger child at home. Some have told me that I need to obey him. What do you think? Also, what are your thoughts as far as the education and religious aspects? Do you have other homeschoolers that you do activites with?

A. Yes, I totally agree with the godly counsel you have received. If your husband has put his foot down, you are under his authority. I would never step out from under that "covering", so to speak. God will have to work on his heart. Honestly, usually it is the wife who sees the benefits (spiritually and otherwise) before the husband does, in regards to homeschooling. I wouldn’t give up hope quite yet. I definitely wouldn’t push ideas on your husband, but it might be nice to share these ideas, without putting any pressure on him or sounding like a nag. So, anyway I totally agree with the husband being the leader of the home, etc.!!!!

I do believe that homeschooling is the only way to fulfill many commands to parents in Scripture AND to reap the blessings that God has clearly spelled out for us in His Word. Below are some verses that we have come to use as our spiritual foundation for homeschooling in our family. Now, I will say that since I was homeschooled as a child, I do come to this decision a bit more naturally than others. I have seen the benefits...both educationally and spiritually...and I have always wanted the same for my own children. Mark, my hubby, on the other hand could have cared less one way or another when we married, but now he is full-out sold on homeschooling! He, too, has seen and studied on the many benefits and is glad that I have held to the opinions I formed early on from my own homeschooling experiences. Below are some reasons we wouldn't choose anything other than homeschooling for our family. Maybe that will give some food for thought.

Studies have found that between 70-88% of Christian teens are leaving their parent's faith by the time they are in their second year of college! They've also found that the vast majority of Christian teens do not hold a Biblical world view. YES, there are the other 12-30% of those who DO make it through school with their faith and beliefs intact, but many Christians parents do not want to take that HUGE risk! Some studies who that 3 out of 4 children/teens are leaving their parents faith after being in the public school systems.

Our family honestly seeks to obey Deuteronomy 6:6-9 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." We cannot obey this commandment if we send our children out to school, because then we wouldn't be with them but for a fractional part of a day.

Luke 6:39, 40 "Jesus said: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." Do I want my child to sit under a "spiritually blind" person for 8 hours a day? Do I want him to emulate that teacher? Maybe he will come out of it as the 12-30% who are STRONG and STAND FIRM to the faith, but do I want to take the risk that he will not, especially after considering what Jesus is saying here? I take this warning very seriously.

Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." Some children are very responsible and sensitive to the Holy Spirit. These children might do well being salt and light at young ages. However, this clearly states that children are foolish and that they give into foolish things, albeit less and less as they mature. I do not want my children, as sweet and godly as they are, to give in to their foolish ways, lose their saltiness and maybe even determine that their faith is not "for them" at some point in their future.

Jeremiah 10:2 "Learn not the way of the heathen."

Proverbs 13:20 "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

Psalm 1:1 "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers." Our family desires the blessings promised with not sitting under the wicked's counsel.

"I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures, engraving them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place their child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt." Martin Luther, A.D. 1537

"In not mentioning God, my public school teachers preached a thundering message daily. By implication they taught that God is not relevant to most areas of life...with every lesson, in every class period, all day every day for 12 years I was being taught to think like an atheist in the academic realm and didn't even know that I was being indoctrinated."
---Chris Schlect, Scriptural Worldview Thinking

Here's a great article on how we compare raising/educating our children to raising plants in a greenhouse!

A lot of people like to use the "salt and light" argument as to why their children should attend public school. This is our family's view...Matthew 5:13-16 "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

This passage is taken from the Sermon on the Mount, which was actually preached to the Pharisees and those who thought they were nearly perfect in their obedience of the Scriptures, not just the bystanders. It was to show them how quickly they can "lose their saltiness" and not recover it and how important it is for them to be examples of God's Light in the world. In this particular part of the Sermon on the Mount, he discusses the salt of the earth and shows that if they lose their saltiness, how can they be made salty again. They will be thrown out (transliterated: "violently thrown out") and trampled on (transliterated: "rejected with disdain"). The section where it says, "loses its saltiness" actually is transliterated from the Greek as "being foolish" or "to act foolishly." Then, after they lose that saltiness, he rhetorically asks how they can be made salty again? They will have lost their reputation for being salty. So, if Proverbs speaks so frequently about children being naturally foolish (because the control of their sin nature is not yet conquered), why would we send our half-grown children out to be the salt and light without our consistent direction and instruction, which IS spoken highly of in that same book of the Bible? When they are able to BE mature, stand their ground unceasingly, while eloquently and decisively defend their faith as in 1 Peter 3:15 - ("Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."), THEN they are mature enough to be out on their own, consistently free of their childish folly spoken about so often in Proverbs. Our children ARE salt and light! The only difference is that at their different stages in the "greenhouse", they minister along side us in various ways! We can actually observe our children living out their faith while we are guiding them in the world. After that greenhouse period of initial training, we can watch them slowly head out into the world. THAT is when they can be salt and light ON THEIR OWN. But for now, under our training and instruction is where they belong. Both Matthew 5:13-16 AND Deuteronomy 6:6-9 can be used in conjunction with each other, instead of in conflict. We minister as a family to those who are unchurched or unsaved - still being salt and light - while teaching them the Lord's commands while we sit down, stand up, walk along the way, etc. We don’t see a need to let our children go out on their own, with the tendency to be foolish or to "lose their flavor", when there are wonderful and Scriptural alternatives to sending them out not fully spiritually mature.

For more information check out: "Homeschooling from a Biblical Worldview" by Israel Wayne. I have yet to hear a biblical argument against any Scriptural principle in that book . Another good resource is Voddie Baucham and his ministry.

Well, if you're still reading this (sorry....a book, I know!)....yes, we do have outside activities...MANY! Most of our activities and outside lessons come from The Homeschool Hut in Mint Hill. Our children take: Judo, sign language, ballet, art, high school Bible and before they have taken Spanish and science! LOVE that place! They also take many field trips and classes through our homeschool group. I know that many are scared of the perceived lack of socializing in homeschooling, but I promise you...one look inside any homeschool family I've ever known and you will see that they are probably more socialized than the average public/private schooled family. Can you keep them from socializing? Yes. But to me it's more difficult to do that, than to not!

My brother and I are both homeschool graduates. I went on to a 4 year college and made the Dean's List every semester. I was also asked by a Congressional candidate to be their public relations manager while still in my junior year of college. My brother was appointed to West Point USMA by 3 congressmen/women, instead of the usual 2, because he had such diverse experience in community involvement, social and sports activities and the like, as well as being academically superior to others seeking the appointments. He never would have been appointed if he had been held back from social activities. He ended up graduating at the top of his class at West Point and is an Army officer now. Even those kind of stories show that even in the "pioneer" days of homeschooling, anything was possible!

Another thing to consider is this....public/private school children socialize horizontally (with their peers), whereas homeschooled children socialize vertically (with all ages) and can usually carry on conversations with people of all ages. To me, this better prepares them for "real" life than to let them only associate with their peers.

ANYWAY...now that I've written a book, I hope you made it to the end! LOL! I am passionate about homeschooling (hmmm...wonder if you can tell!) and love to talk about it's MANY benefits!

~ Lisa
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