If all Christians really believe that God never creates a mistake, then why are so many of us so fearful or worried when it comes to the number of children a woman has had, or when she is over 35 when she becomes pregnant? Those types of comments show me what someone REALLY believes when they say one thing and then follow it with a contradictory statement!
Unfortunately the Church has adopted the negative attitude of the world’s view of children and embrace purposefully barren wombs and logical “family planning”. It’s sad to see such disgust toward children....really. It makes my heart heavy.
The other thing I don’t understand is why people think it’s okay to ask a pregnant "older" mom or a pregnant mom of many about their birth control usage or whether or not they'll be "fixed" (as if they're broken in their current God-made/God-planned state). I have never heard those same people ask anything like that a woman had 2 kids...or none. Why is it “personal” when you have a limited number of children or no children, but when you have “more than normal”, it’s their duty to inquire or make comments? I just don’t get it. Again...makes my heart heavy!
After posting some of those above thoughts on Facebook today, I received so many thoughtful responses. I thought some were so genuine and sweet and that some of y'all might enjoy reading them as I did.
My heart is as heavy as yours when it comes to this. I too, was like the world in my thinking after my 2nd child was born, I thought two is enough but my God knew better for me and He opened my eyes to see the blessing that children are. We just had baby number 5 three months ago and I get all kinds of for lack of better words "stupid" comments all the time. But it is a time to point them back to Christ and be a witness for Him. I praise God for the women who trust God over EVERY area and not just the comfortable ones. - Taria B.
Matthew 18:10 (Red lettering even) "Take heed that you do not DESPISE one of these little ones..." That is the attitude that most people have towards children these days. They can try to downplay it, but Jesus didn't mince words here! The same thing happens with HSing [homeschooling]. In my experience, people who don't HS that think it's their duty to give our children their weekly academic quizzes (and usually not even "on grade level") would be horribly offended if HSers started quizzing their PS'd [public schooled] children about what they're taught. - Michelle W.
I heard a seomon from the PULPIT in where the pastor told a story about their sixth and FINAL child (his emphasis) because "everyone has to have a finish" and how they prayed it was a boy and were delighted wen God heard their prayer and they could end their childrearing w/ another son. I was brokenhearted. - Megan A.
Meg, that is sad, many pastors will preach that from the pulpit though. I have heard them saying they have prayed and have peace over not having any more children. That peace did not come from God. - Taria B.
My favorite is how people chalk it up to "common sense" or "God gave me brains"... Makes me want to laugh. What makes "sense" in the Bible? A virgin birth? Lazarus? Jericho? Walking on water? So how many children you have should "make sense" to the world??? And if God gave you brains, then use them to interpret the Bible. - Anna C.
I agree with you ladies and my heart is also heavy for our fellow Christians. My husband and I had 3 children within 2 1/2 years and our friends were telling us we should check into getting a vasectomy. (They not only thought we were popping them out too quickly, but also I had a minor brain hemorrhage during labor with our third child and that made even more people comment on us stopping "while we were ahead.") Well we decided that maybe we should get a vasectomy and in June of 2008 we did. In January of this year the Lord changed my heart and showed me that we should have never taken control of this area of our lives. My husband agreed with me in this conviction after only a few days of praying. We were blessed to find the reversal ministry Blessed Arrows, and my husband got his reversal on October 19. We are praying that the Lord will bless my womb again (hopefully soon). We regret so deeply ever taking control of our family size and now can't wait to have as many children as the Lord will bless us with. Thank you to any of you that have, are, or will pray for us. We appreciate your prayers! - Jessica P.
My dad told me God gave them the "wisdom" and "discernment" to know that 3 was enough! That was after we had 4 and were encouraged into a tubal by all of our "wise" counsel, and then decided to have a reversal! We are thankful for that conviction and our 3 post-reversal blessings, especially our DS son! - Tami L.
I had baby #4 at 41. - Lisa K.
I had baby #9 at 44!!! Our 6th baby after reversal! - Penny T.
WOW ladies, that is so encouraging. :) I am only 30 so I could have many more if the Lord so chooses. One thing is for sure, we will NEVER try to take control of how many kids we have ever again. So we will see how many we get and how many more child bearing years I have ahead of me. :) I am hoping MANY! Blessings to all of you and thank the Lord that He has opened our eyes to the truth. - Jessica P.
Thank you Anna! I've talked some to hubby about having more and he jokingly says that "he doesn't want to be an old papa"....I tell him that he's going to be old no matter what, lol! - Lisa K.
Tell him children keep him young!!! My hubby is 13 years older than I am... he used to say the same thing... now he says there is nothing on earth better to do with his wife than work together to grow God's Army! - Anna C.
I see alot talking about tubal reversals. How could I get one & are they costly? - Angel R.
Angel, check out Blessed Arrows There is a list of TR docs there. And a discussion support group too. Doctor's rates vary so widely. I know VRs can vary from $1700 to almost $20K. I'm sure there is quite a huge range in pricing for TRs too. But price doesn't always mean best quality either. I believe best quality reversals come from the docs who choose to be a part of the journey of physical & spiritual restoration a couple seeks, not just those who do reversals for the money or for people to have babies. - Michelle W.
Angel- we went thru a list, put out by Above Rubies, of doctors who do them at reduced cost as a ministry. We didn't have the money, but prayed about it, scheduled it 6 mths out, and kept praying we'd have the money by that time. We paid $3200 for it 8 yrs ago. We drove from Florida to Tennessee, used our vacation for it, stayed in a motel for 2 days for me to recuperate enough to drive home! My husband and 4 children spent those two days seeing Tennessee, while I mostly slept! We were pregnant 2 months later! That pregnancy did not make it, but it was our confirmation from God that we did the right thing, and that he did have more blessings in store for us!! - Tami L.
I don't want to have children over the age of 30, simply because I want to enjoy my years when I get older. - Michelle K.
I am 30... and enjoying my life (and children!!) more than I ever thought I would when my priorities were different! - Anna C.
I have 4 kids, we are going to TTC for one more in a few months. I agree I am enjoying my kids much more now, than when I was 21. I just feel that since I started so young, I am getting ready to move to the next phase of having all older kids and no babies, diaper bags to carry around etc. - Michelle K.
Yup....over 30 here, too (almost 34) and loving life. If I'd stopped at 30 Ellie, Judah and Eva wouldn't be here and my blessings would have been limited to what I thought best, logical and more "fun". And I wouldn't have Levi and another precious child in Heaven awaiting me, either. I started at 21, too. It gets much easier if they are trained right, the older they get. They can and want to help carry the diaper bags, etc. It's just a season of life...one that many moms rush through and regret later on. "There is a season for everything under the sun..." Ecclesiastes 3:1 God knows so much better than I do! Love it! - Lisa Metzger
I was 14 when I had my first... so I can sort of relate to starting young! But praise God, He has even more in store for me! #9 is due in April! And I pray he doesn't stop there! Can you believe I started out so wrong, so far off of His path for me and yet He still chooses to bless me with THE most sought after gifts ever mentioned in the Bible?! Thank you Jesus! - Anna C.
Michelle, I look forward to the days of no diaper bag, but every time I am expecting, I get excited all over again about the prospect of the diaper bag!! I'm 40, my oldest will be 21 soon and my youngest is 2! I know that God knows our he...arts! Our youngest (#7) was born with DS and medical complications, he has had a trach since 6 wks old, and it's been almost 2 1/2 yrs. I asked God early on thru it to hold off for me for a while, I just couldn't see coping with any more for a while. My heart is still open to more, and he knows that, but my youngest two are 18 mths apart and I just didn't think I could bear anymore. It has been my prayer thru this, that he let me get thru the medical stuff with my little man before he blesses us anymore. Little man should have his trach out in about 3 mths, so God has definitely honored my request, and I believe it's because he knows my heart is open, but I wanted to be able to handle it, maybe he knew I wouldn't have been able to! Keep your heart open, and see how he blesses you, it's always beyond what we could ever imagine on our own! - Tami L.
We started young too, I was 20 with my first and now 27 with 5. I am excited to see how many the Lord will entrust me with. We are raising these arrows for Him, not for us. A friend of mine had her 10th child when she was 49 and is still able if the Lord wills to have more. - Taria B.
Tami...we have more in common! Both have had TR and DS baby after reversal! Being an older mama is awesome, we get to jet-set with the younger mamas! I like to say MORE EXPERIENCED MAMA! It is a blessing to be 49 and have little ones still, most women I know have had empty nests for many years. They would love to be me! Having all the kids grown and gone didn't get them all the joy they were looking for, instead it has been empty. God created the female a desire to nurture...and that is very hard to ignore! - Penny T.
We started young, 20. Had 4 (last 3 in 2.5 years) and hubby had a vasectomy. I was devestated but the Lord changed his heart and 4.5 years later had a REVERSAL. We are now 6 months post reversal and PRAYING for the Lord's hand to fill our quiver with his arrows! We are also pursuing adoption. This passion makes us "extrmeme" in our currently culture, to which I reply I just thought it was biblical! ♥ I praise the LORD for softening our hearts and know that even if NO more babies are to come out of my womb that we were blessed by our obedience to HIS Word!!! - Megan A.
I guess my main thing to be honest is I'm scared if I have to many kids that they will miss out on going places and getting things. My DH family gave us heck when we told them #4 was on the way. Its just so hard to know what to do. - Michelle K.
Michelle - HONESTY IS WONDERFUL! God expects us to be honest with Him and others! However, we learn the most and rely most on God when we hand over our fears, doubts and worries to Him; rely on Him alone to get us through; obey His Word; Trust that He only wants what's best for us! I hope this discussion helped convey those thoughts....and not judgment. We all have doubts. As strong as I thought I was in my convictions on this issue, I doubted Him only this past January when I sat literally dying after losing my 4 month old baby, Levi (see my blog for the story). However, God is still the same and He got us through it all! I couldn't be more grateful and more happy than I am now! To know what to do, study HIs Word and His thoughts on children and family planning. Then, have faith and TRUST that He is your Daddy and only wants what's BEST for you!! About the not going places and doing things...1) nothing is promised to us. Things could change in your financial situation and you could end up not being able to afford those things for the children you already have. Trust God! 2) Large families learn many things that smaller families do not (responsibilites, childcare, selflessness, loving nad enjoying siblings, etc.). Yes, this can be learned in smaller families, too, but more often it's learned in larger families. 3) Only God knows how many siblings your children need and how many children you and your hubby need. He's the ONLY one who knows how to best plan our futures for us, our children, our lifestyle, etc. I could go on and on, but my hubby is waiting on me to get off of here. LOL! Maybe I'll add to this later! Hee hee! - Lisa Metzger
Awww, Michelle, I'm sorry about your family doing that, we went thru the same thing. My family is very career oriented, I completely went against the grain, SAHM, homeschooling, 7 children. They still don't understand it. My dad pressure...d my husband before we had our reversal, to stop letting me pressure him into having more because he couldn't provide for them. It made me pretty sore that he did that, but my husband looked him in the eye and told him that he realized that he wasn't the only one providing for us and he knew God was going to be helping him! I was never prouder! We gave up long ago expecting to pay for college and cars and "stuff". We live debt free, extremely thrifty lives. Things don't make kids happy, parents do, siblings do! Laying in the driveway learning about stars beats going to the planetarium anyday! We're leaving the city to get away from all the "stuff" that the world tells us we need! Our children are perfectly happy playing outside instead of with toys!! It's that thinking that has robbed so many of a large family, and lots of siblings! - Tami L.
Thanks! I have been feeling convicted of this, but have trying to ignore it....my baby is 6 months old and I have SUCH a yearning for another baby. My dh agreed to #5, but his friends and family are getting on his case and making fun of him for having all these kids. They tell him he's missing out on so much, he's never going to be able to retire, we dont have enough room blah blah blah. I am quite happy to be at home. When I was in my early 20's and had 2 kids I was immature and always felt that I was "missing out" I didn't enjoy being a mom at all, and I feel like I missed out on my kids childhood. I mean I was there, but not "there" if that makes sense. Now I do enjoy being a mom, but I feel like the world is telling me I need to stop having kids and let them grow up so I can have "me time" honestly I wouldn't mind quite a few more kids, I just feel like I "have" to feel like I should stop having kids. Oh, and another thing we have: boy boy girl boy. people have commented that if we had more kids, they would probably be boys, and who would want more boys, when we already have 3, which is totally WRONG! I have told people GOD decides what gender my children will be, I am totally fine with having boys (of course I would love for my DD to have a sister=), but its up to God! - Michelle K.
Michelle, we have boy, boy, girl, boy as well. such a delightful house that is! People will ALWAYS judge and make comments... lay your heart before the Lord and He will guide you!!! ♥ It does get easier when people see you are "sold out", they simply call you extreme and expect your babies to come! LOL... we only have 4, but my passion on the subject has already lead to this transition. - Megan A.
I had baby #9 at 42...still hoping for a baby #10 too. It is my belief that God gave women menopause to stop our bodies from having babies...THAT'S how we know when we are too old. - Carlee A. I've been following this discussion all day and I want to thank all the experienced moms out there for your encouragement! My husband and I both said we were done having kids at 3, then the Lord had His way and blessed us with #4 this year. Our hearts have been opened to what the Lord has planned for us. I've had 4 c-sections (not without pressure and persuasion from my Dr, which I'm no longer a patient with), so I do have a little concern in that respect, but we're trusting in the Lord. Michelle-we have all boys, so we're just one shy of a basketball team ;) I love all my boys and trust that we are building an army for the Lord! I do have to say though, we are enjoying being radically different from society's 'norm' :) - Mindi B.
Lisa..thank you for writing this. I shared [this post] with this comment of my own below: Remember, Christians are called to NOT look like the world. So many of us make choices based on how we were raised or how we wish to live our lives based on worldly standards...not really researching the Biblical foundation for our choices. While the number of kids is NOT a salvation issue, it does play into the embracing of life, submission of our ENTIRE life before the Lord, trusting in His provision, accepting His blessings (we ask for monetary stuff but the Bible also calls children a blessing...how many say NO to money??? Not many...but MOST say "no" to kids), usurping of God's authority, altering of God's creation (via sterilization), and other issues that speak directly to our hearts! I have even heard it said that there is a level of hypocricy in the "pro-life" movement when SO many who speak out on that side either practice birth control or are sterilized. So that would make that side anti-abortion...not pro-life! Hmm....interesting point! Are we REALLY pro-life if we reject God's role in bringing life to our own wombs? - Megan A.