Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Adoption vs. Letting God Plan Your Family

Q. How can adoption play a role in [letting God plan your family]? In many adoption cases, pregnancy disrupts a case (which can be paralleled to losing a baby). Therefore, my husband and I felt it necessary to use natural planning (and sometimes barrier methods -- but never anything that would be abortifacient) to space our biological kids in order to respond to God's call to care for orphans. But I definitely agree with your post [HERE] as far as 'peace of heart' being a fault decision maker. I want what we do to be in line with God's will but I can't figure how to do both? Also, in several of your posts you mention God controls how many kids we should/will have. I agree, but wonder how you respond when people say we are messing up the possibility of adopting (obviously I don't agree with people that would think that, but I'm having a hard time articulating an answer Biblically). Additionally, and this is slightly off topic -- I wondered about the abortion-counter on your site, is it also including babies being aborted thru birth control? I imagine it'd be difficult to get an exact number, but I was just curious whether those numbers should be much higher for those poor sweet babies that don't even have a change to implant in the uterus.

A. First, the abortion counter on the side measures only surgical abortions...not the ones caused by birth control and not the ones caused by the abortion pill (medical abortions). So, yes...there's even more sad numbers to add to those! :(

Second, I believe that people should pursue adoption while still allowing God control of their wombs. We did NFP when adopting Annalise 8 1/2 years ago (photo above), as we were unaware of the Biblical premise for letting God have that control over the womb. But when we were in the midst of looking to adopt in 2007, we had four children at the time and were leaving my womb completely open to the Lord. We were looking into doing foster to adopt, were open to all ages (through 12) and sibling groups of ANY size. But...our family was considered "too large" to adopt from the foster system. We hired an agency in Washington state to send out profile to social workers and "go to bat" for us, so to speak. Even then, we were told by social workers ALL over the country that having four children was "too much".

We found out I was pregnant and kind of put adoption on the back burner, thinking that no one would want us to adopt if I was pregnant on top of having four children! We thought God had closed the door to adoption and we were at peace with that. BUT...right after we found out that we were pregnant with a girl (Ellie), I got a call from our agency in Washington state. They had a birth mother with a sister agency in Missouri who needed a home for her older boys who were 2 & 5 and she wanted to look at our profile. We told them she could, but that there was something they should know...I was 20 weeks pregnant. They said that would likely be a "deal-breaker", but said that they'd tell the birth mother anyway. Well, long story short, we talked to their mom on the phone and she chose our family to adopt her two boys. We were out in Missouri 2 weeks later (photo above)! We were told that adopting or gaining custody when the adoptive mom is pregnant is unheard of! Bottom was God!

I find it very interesting when you said, “I want what we do to be in line with God's will but I can't figure how to do both?” Well, you really don't have to figure out how to do both! God will do all the figuring for you! That's one of the beautiful things about faith and trust in God...have faith and trust and the rest is up to Him! All you have to do is to learn to leave it ALL in God’s hands.

You never truly know if you will even be able to get pregnant or keep the babies that you become pregnant with (miscarriage). Most who knew Mark and I early in our marriage would have assumed that since I conceived and gave birth to two babies so soon after being married that we would have had baby after baby. After all, our first baby was our "honeymoon baby" and the second baby I became pregnant with when the first baby was only 6 months old. They would have envisioned us to have been in the position of the Duggar Family by now! However, their assumptions were incorrect. Mark and I have lost 7 precious children. Early in our marriage we had taken our fertility for granted, assuming that it would be there when we wanted.

We just never know what life will bring, and THAT is why God is the only one who knows what’s best for us! If you look at all my posts on letting God plan your family, ask yourself this when reading the Scripture and listening to the logic... "Can this be refuted or superseded by another Scripture having to do with the caring of orphans?” I have found that answer to be ‘no’.

Take some time and really ponder these questions below...

  • God tells us that pure religion is to take care of widows and orphans. Are there more than one way to do this?

  • Is God not capable of working around your pregnancies, like He did with Trey and Jake’s adoption?

  • Can God choose to postpone a pregnancy without your help?

  • If you do have child after child when handing over your womb to God, is there not another way to take care of widows and orphans? [You might want to read about our ministry to the unborn. This is just one way to help take care of the widows and orphans.]

  • Will God send you a biological child at a time that is anything less than perfect?

  • Will God send you a biological child to spite the poor child that you were set on adopting? Or is it that He knows and wants what's best for you and for the child that you want to adopt?

  • Are you open to GOD's timeline and plan for sending children to your family through adoption or are you trying to control that way of planning your family, as well?

These are some difficult questions, but I think they are ones that really uncover someones motivations and reasoning when contemplating whether or not to adopt and whether or not to use birth control to limit the number of children God may or may not send you during that adoption process.

I believe that Scripture points to God, and God alone, having control over our wombs. If we really believe that He has and deserves the control to create a new soul as He pleases, HE will lead and guide us to our adopted child(ren), in accordance to His Will. I truly believe that. Do we need to actively pursue adoption? Maybe yes, maybe no. Our family actively pursued adoption in the past, whereas now we are open to adoption if He leads us to a particular situation (possibly through our pro-life work). Whether your pursuit of adoption is an active or passive pursuit should be based on where God directs you.

Botom line....if you can find Scripture that allows you to dictate when children should be sent to your womb so that you can do _____ (in your case, adoption), then you have found a “loop hole”. If not, then God still desires to be in control of creating life.

Look more around my site on family planning! I think you’ll find a ton of “meaty” Scriptures on this subject!

Oh....and before anyone comments on how I am discouraging people from adopting and promoting the birth of biological children as more important than the adoption of a child....I am not. I am wholeheartedly FOR adoption! However, I think that God is wholly capable of deciding when and if to send us biological children, just as He is wholly capable of deciding when and if to send us children by way of adoption. I think we, as humans, think that God needs our help with this...and we make it much more complicated than it needs to be. If you follow what He says in His Word, you cannot go wrong. If you believe God is the Creator or life, then He will send you children when He deems is best...even if it be in the middle of another adoption. God is sovereign. We are called to obey. That is it. The outcome we envision is never promised.

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Kim said...

I loved this answer! Amen and AMEN!!! We are praying about fostering/adopting in Australia and now I'm wondering if they will think our family (four children) too big as well...but then again God has proven His is bigger that that!!! Thanks for the hope!