Friday, November 9, 2012

My Ectopic Baby

Many have asked my opinion on the subject of ectopic pregnancies, so I thought I'd post it all here on my blog! Now, before you begin reading, I will not keep any hateful or hurtful comments. This is a tough and painful subject for thos eof us who have lost an ectopic baby, and this is *my* conclusion. My mind will not be change, so don't bother trying to *correct* me. Thank you. :)

One of our 8 losses was a tubal ectopic pregnancy. It was no walk in the park! In fact it was downright scary! While tubal rupture is not as inevitable as some make it out to be, it is a concern and a risk associated with ectopic pregnancies. However, there are other ways to manage an ectopic. When I discovered that my baby was growing outside of my womb, I refused the medicine (methotrexate…an abortion pill) and surgery, and I chose to do something that is called "expectant management".  While many doctors would rather cut their risk of medical suits and just hand a woman a pill or offer a “quick and painless surgical procedure” to remove the baby from where he/she is growing,  "expectant management" is a very acceptable way to handle an ectopic pregnancy. I did it. Many, many, many other women have done the same. It is the only way I would handle any other ectopic pregnancy!

Our experience of losing Levi was the closest I've ever come to going Home. He was our 16 week old son who was lost after a sudden and complete placental abruption in January 2010. I literally thought I was dying. In all actuality, I was. I was in shock and my organs were shutting down...all this just 5-10 minutes after the whole miscarriage suddenly- and without even one sign or symptom- began.

I think that with every incidence where you come close to the point where you could have died, you suddenly realize just how fragile life is! It’s at that point when it really hits home and kicks that "natural man" and that fear into high gear. Thankfully I have learned, over our journey of letting God control the giving and taking of life, to trust in the sovereignty of God. I trust Him with all his creations…including me and my babies! Deep down, I just know He would never create a little someone just to tell me in Heaven, "Well, you should've used that wonderful brain I gave you to help me prevent giving you that life that took yours. I just can't handle *all* things." That thought makes me realize that God is...well, God! He doesn't ask or require our help in giving, preventing or taking life. He's fully capable of handling it all...including my fears! I can rest peacefully, knowing that as long as I'm in His Will, allowing Him to open and close my womb, that I am in His hand!

The other thing we must realize, as Christian pro-lifers is that God NEVER condones the shedding of **innocent** blood. Never! No exceptions! Period. 
"There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, **And hands that shed innocent blood**..." Proverbs 6:16-17
"A man who is laden with the guilt of human blood will be a fugitive until death; let no one support him." Proverbs 28:17
"Whoever sheds man's blood, By man his blood shall be shed, For in the image of God He made man." Genesis 9:6
In fact, God condemned and wiped out the cities that allowed child sacrifice because it was something accepted by their societies. Even though these cases of aborting an ectopic pregnancy baby might not be considered a "sacrifice", it truly is a “sacrifice” we CHOOSE to make in order to [supposedly] spare the life of the “more important of the two”…the mother. Not to mention, it is still the shedding of blood and the bringing on of PREMATURE death of another innocent human being...the child. God has told us as plain as can be through the above verses (among many others) that we are not to kill. YES, even when the ends justify the means. Not to mention, I just could NEVER justify my rights to take the life of my child in order to prolong my own.
God says numerous times in His Word that our days are numbered. We cannot and should not seek to limit the divinely predetermined days that God has laid out for our children! And on the same note, we cannot assume that anything of our OWN doing will prolong the predetermined days we are given on this earth by God!
Job 14:5 (one of the many verses on this) says, "Since his days are determined, the number of his months is with You; And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass."
I fear God. I respect my Creator enough to trust that HE ALONE knows when my child should leave this earth. I also trust that He knows when I should leave this earth. I cannot pretend that I know better than the Creator of the universe!
As much as I want to raise my children myself and stick around on this earth in order to do so, I know that God might have other plans. ONLY God knows what lies ahead down the road of my life, my husband's life, and my children's lives. To play God by eliminating a life based on the calculated, humanly-perceived chances of dying, I am determining whether or not my ectopic pregnancy baby should be allowed to live the life that God has planned (albeit so short). I am cutting short the number of days God laid out for my son/daughter that has implanted incorrectly. When GOD (being Who He truly is, not what *I* perceive or make Him to be) has numbered our days, WHY would I want to step in and tell Him what I "know" to be right and true for *me* in the situation of whether or not to end the life growing within my tube?
If I do insist that I know the plan for my child's numbered days better than God knows, and I allow a human to kill the life within me, I have (other women…maybe innocently or unknowingly) killed an innocent life prematurely. I do not want the consequences laid out in the following verse (and in the preceding verses) to haunt me from now into eternity.
Isaiah 1:15 “So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood."
I want to do my best to arrive in Heaven with the cleanest slate possible. I want to have my Creator’s eyes and ears turned in my direction when I pray. I want Him to say “Well done, my good and faithful servant”, even if I meet Him much sooner than *I* had anticipated. God is God. I trust in His sovereign plan for me and my family!
I know that many “pro-lifers” or “Christ-followers” might still stick to their human opinions on when it’s okay to kill a baby, but I will pray that Scripture ALONE will eventually be allowed to dictate how they think on shedding innocent blood and the sovereignty of God. I pray that God will show them even more Scriptures that display His love and plans for each and every one of us, no matter how small or helpless.

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Tony and Karolyn said...

Your faith is so beautiful and inspiring, Lisa!!! I love this post...thank you for sharing!

Elly M said...

Lisa, this is such a good post. Your points are well made and Biblically based, and you address the arguments so well. Thank you SO much for this. I especially love your point at the end that it should be Scripture *alone* that dictates the truth.

Alissa said...

Let me ask you this. Did an ultrasound show that there was a heartbeat in the tubes? An embryo can not grow in the tubes and survive. In most cases, the ectopic implantation has already resulted in embryonic death by the time diagnosis is made and removal done. A baby can not grow in the tubes. The cells try to grow resulting in the tubes rupturing, but it is not shedding innocent blood when an embryo is already dead. Methotraxate is simply removing the cells and cleaning out the tubes.

Lisa Metzger said...

My baby was still alive and passed later on, hence the repeated ultrasounds and such. Obviously, a dead baby cannot be murdered if he/she is already dead. So, no the shedding of innocent blood only supplies to a child who is alive and who's blood is able to be "shed".

On another note, there are babies (one very recently in the USA) that have survived tubal pregnancies. Is it rare? Absolutely. I believe it was like 16 or 18 ever recorded. But again, that's why God needs to be the sole giver and taker of life. We never know what's best. :-)

Lisa Metzger said...

Here's a link with a host of stories of ectopic babies that survived! Amazing!

adajane said...

Can you explain "expectant management"? We had a miscarriage (no baby, only placenta) and they gave me these horrible drugs and I ended up with a D&C. If there is anything in the future where I need these drugs I want to know what I can do instead to avoid going down that horrible road again. Blessings.

Anonymous said...

All the cases on the site that you posted a link to are abdominal pregnancies not tubal. Have you read anything on survival of tubal pregnancy?

Alissa said...

I do not know of any tubal survivals only abdominal survivals. A baby can not live in the tubes. I would like to know where the placenta was attached in Mrs. Metzger's case for her baby to survive so long. Was the baby positioned at the end of the tube where it meets the uterus? I am interested because I have had 2 ectopics in the past as well.

Melissa said...

I really loved this entry. Such wisdom you have followed in God's precious Word. xoxo

Becky @ Sowing LIttle Seeds said...

Thank you for telling your story here. I have recently began working to bring awareness to the tragedy of abortion (a tragedy for both mother and child) and ectopic pregnancy is something that is always used as an arguing point for both pro and anti- abort sides. Your explanation of the child becoming a "sacrifice" is a point I have tried to make to many people, usually whose ears are closed and whose hearts are hardened making them unable to see the connection to our sacrifice of the unborn (in order to save our own life, or even our own lifestyle) and to prior civilizations' child sacrifice in order to apease false gods. Your family is such a blessing and I hope for health and happiness for you and them.

Anonymous said...

I had an ectopic pregnancy and was sent, rushed, sort of, to surgery on Thursday afternoon for a laparoscopy. During the operation it was found the tube had ruptured and the tube and pregnancy was removed. I feel so sad that I have lost a little angel that was growing inside me and I think hanging on to life. I trust my angel is in heaven but feel so terrible about it. I hope my baby will forgive me.

Diary of Missionary for Life said...

I truly hope to meet you someday in person Lisa. Seeing all your work and your prolife witness is an inspiration to me and your story here furthers that. What a blessing to see a woman so trusting of God and His plan for her and her family!