Life in a Family Integrated Church!

I cannot say enough about how much we have spiritually grown as a family since attending our family integrated church 3 1/2 years ago. We are blessed to be surrounded by a supportive church family that meets for worship on Sundays, has a weekly fellowship potluck following the service and has monthly prayer and men and women's accountability meetings, as well as other social events!

Moving to a family integrated church was a big switch for us. Both Mark and I grew up in age-segregated churches and after we married we attended one of the largest churches in Charlotte for 9 years before making the big switch. It was different, to say the least.

However, since we began going to our church, Mark has felt encouraged by the other men to LEAD his family in nightly family worship. Was it natural to him? No. He didn't grow up with family worship. Mark tells of how his father, though a Baptist minister, only opened the Bible for family Bible reading twice a year (Easter and Christmas). This family worship thing was something that Mark learned to do. Is he a perfect teacher? No. But, then again, is anyone? Only Jesus!

All I can say, is that when men are "forced" (er, encouraged!) to lead their families in this regular spiritual mentorship, as God has them naturally programmed to do...WOW! God brings together the family in ways that couldn't be done without Dad taking that nightly spiritual leadership role! Men desire to lead their families, but are either never asked, required or allowed to take on that role.

Since starting regular family worship, our kids are now closer to Mark than ever (we have always homeschooled...he's always been very involved, just not in this aspect). They are learning Scripture and understanding Scriptural concepts that most adults can't wrap their minds around. All this is learned either alongside Mark or a day or two behind him! Mark didn't need to go to seminary. He just needed to study Scripture, read it aloud and explain the concepts as he noticed them. The Holy Spirit does the rest...and oh, how cool it is to watch Him move through our worship and Bible reading times!

I'll also say that our pastor has a wonderful way of speaking to all ages. There are concepts that our children don't understand...that's okay. They'll either ask us later (they take notes and write down their questions) or they'll catch what they can for their age and that's exactly what the Holy Spirit had in mind for them! It's kind of like when we have the littles sit in on our history or science lessons. We call it the "school bus stop approach". They listen and their brains "get off the bus" after they have exceeded their attention span. Does that mean it was fruitless? On the contrary...they learn MUCH MORE than we assumed they were able. Same with a family integrated church...we always underestimated the Holy Spirit's workings in our children's hearts and minds! DUH...they have the SAME Holy Spirit we do! ;)

I could go on and on, but I will leave it at that. Oh, and just a few weeks ago...the fathers and sons are on our church's father and son retreat! While they were there they called to say that they were having a blast and that they were all learning so much from the teaching that all the dads were doing throughout each day! I LOVE that!

For those who need idea starters on how to do family worship, here ya go! It's not difficult. It just requires a committed, godly man to take up the natural, God-given leadership role that he hungers for whether he realizes it yet or not (and in the absence of the man, the woman can take up that role in her family). For more information on how to find a family integrated church in your area, click here! To see how we teach our children to listen and learn in church, check out this blog post from a while back!

Guarding Family Meal Time and Nightly Worship

The Family Meal Table is a wonderful book by Nancy Campbell that will give you a vision for your family meal table far beyond what you have ever dreamed. Filled with Scriptural inspiration and creative ideas for your family mealtimes, there are 35 chapters filled with scriptural inspiration and creative ideas for your family mealtimes and hospitality.

Our family really guards our evening meal times and family worship from other activities that our family might encounter. Night time is family time and/or time for hospitality (our guests even get to join in on our family worship). Kids grow up too quickly, and before we know it we've traded that time for things we deemed more important then, but really weren't as important as we thought.

The beauty of family worship is that it really encourages the dad (if a Christian, obviously) to stand up and be the spiritual leader within his home. It pushes him to spiritual growth and really teaches the kids about what's most important in a dad's life, as well as their own. It doesn't have to be planned or fancy. Ours is basically the reading of Scripture and a devotional. Mark explains it so that they all understand and will answer questions that they have. He has them memorize some Scriptures and recite them (a few of the kids recite each night, or we'd go on forever!) and then we sing a few songs. It probably takes anywhere from 15-30 minutes. Easy...and SO worth it!!!!!

Devotions vs. Family Worship

Metzger Family Worship

Instead of using the term "devotions" (which can mean studies in addition to God’s Word that are based on the Bible, but written from human inspiration), we use the term “family worship”. Our church really encourages the men to lead their families in family worship, as they are, biblically speaking, the spiritual heads of their homes. However, we realize that many men come to Christ after their wives or come to the realization of the importance of family worship after their wives come to that conclusion. That said, the woman would need to pray to God about how to best teach her young ones God’s Word, in accordance to Deuteronomy 6:6-9.

A major misconception about family worship is that there are certain rules and regulations; time requirements and restraints. Not true. One family’s worship will look different from another family’s. There’s no biblical layout for Bible reading, except to seek Jesus.

For our family, Mark begins by leading our family in an opening prayer. This really calms everyone’s hearts and minds and prepares us (yes, even our little ones) for time with God. This year we are reading through the Old Testament, following a Scripture reading schedule. Many ask us about the content of what we’re reading in regards to the ages and understanding of some of our younger children. When first beginning this, we were surprised to see and hear just how much our little ones retained from church or family worship. It was very encouraging to see that God’s Word doesn’t ever return void...even to the least of these! We hold true to a few Scriptures regarding reading the Word straight from the Bible to our children.

"There was not a word of all that Moses had commanded which Joshua did not read before all the assembly of Israel with the women and the little ones and the strangers who were living among them. " (Joshua 8:35)

“Listen, O my people, to my instruction; Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, And His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob And appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God And not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments, and not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious eneration, a generation that did not prepare its heart and whose spirit was not faithful to God.” (Psalm 78:1-8, emphasis added)

Following the reading of the Scripture, we sing songs. This is a precious time, as is the Bible reading, because our tiniest ones LOVE to request praise songs. The children all get up and praise God! It is a precious thing to observe as parents who seeks to bring up their children in nurture and admonition of the Lord! After our singing, Mark closes us in prayer and the children head to bed.

Mark and I encourage all families to dig deep into the rich and “meaty” Word of God and to experience family worship for themselves. This is not a ritual or a requirement, but a privilege to approach the throne of God together as a family and to seek His Will for us when reading His Word. It is a precious time of growing together (at different stages) in our spiritual walks. It is a time of training our young ones to regularly seek God’s input on daily matters and to be able to refer to Scripture without forethought, as Scripture pertains to every area of life (2 Timothy 3:16-17)!

Here’s a great article on family worship!

Launching Your Arrows...how are you preparing your children?

"We don’t aim to hold on to our arrows all the way to the target. They’re not push-pins, they’re meant to fly. Our job is to shape and prepare the arrows so when they are released, they fly straight and true on their own. The time is coming when they will leave our quiver and depart on their life’s mission, as we have to prepare then – and ourselves – for that launch."~ Raising Real Men

• What are you doing to prepare YOUR arrows to hit that target?
• Do you have regular family worship?
• How are you discipling your children regularly?
• Are you obeying Deuteronomy 6:6-9 in instructing your children?
• Are you being consistant in enforcing boundaries and rules?
• Is your discipline consistent?
• Are you spending one-on-one time regularly with your children? (even monthly or bi-monthly, but where it's ON your calendar)
• Are you setting high expectations for your children? Do they know that you expect them to aim high? Or are you settling for the world's standards?
• Have you taught your children WHY you believe WHAT you believe? Do they know the Scriptures behind your beliefs and standards? This is real Biblical worldview education!

Should I leave out "difficult" words in the Bible when reading it to my children?

Q. How do you handle reading aloud such words in the Bible as "homosexual", "harlot" and such as that? Do you omit them or do you explain to all your children what those words mean?

A. We attend a family integrated church, where the pastor preaches the Word of God to all ages. No parts of the Bible are omitted and we follow the same principles at home, during family worship. Remember, the “Book of the Law” (the copy of the Scriptures at that time) was read to ALL the people....old, young, children, and even nursing infants. I don’t see how we can seek to imitate the Bible and leave out anything. However, there is a delicate way of handling this....we do not explain the direct meaning of these terms UNLESS we are asked for those meanings. Depending upon what ages are present, we explain on their age level of understanding. The word harlot could mean a person who kisses men who are not her husband or someone who sells s-x for money.....it all depends on the age and understanding of the one asking AND who else is present. We would bring the subject up again, if not brought up sooner, as the child ages and gains more understanding of sin.

It is also good to remember that Joshua read the ENTIRE Book of the Law to the Israelites...young and old. That should be an example of how we should lead our children!

"There was not a word of all that Moses had commanded which Joshua did not read before all the assembly of Israel with the women and the little ones and the strangers who were living among them. " Joshua 8:35

“Listen, O my people, to my instruction; Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, And His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob And appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God And not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments, and not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation that did not prepare its heart and whose spirit was not faithful to God.” (Psalm 78:1-8, emphasis added).

Information on Family Integrated Churches...

Rethinking Youth Groups
Mentor Series: The Family Integrated Church
Answering Objections to Uniting Church and Family - This is EXCELLENT!

Church Time: Occupying Little Ones' Hands and Minds!

I read a great tip a while back for keeping kids occupied AND learning while sitting in church with their parents. We have since added to those tips. It is also a great method for training the children to take notes.

**For the youngest/non-readers** They are to listen to the pastor and draw a picture of something he is talking about. If they cannot choose a word due to their young age, mommy or daddy could prompt them by whispering in their ear.

**For young readers/writers** They take a word the pastor says and write it down and then doodle around it. For older readers/writers, they write a sentence or quote that the pastor says and doodle around it.

**As they get older** They write more and more of what the pastor says.

All of this not only occupies their hands, but also their minds and hearts. They will pay even closer attention to the sermon if Daddy (the spiritual head and discipler of his wife and children - Eph. 6:4) asks them to show their work to the family on Sunday afternoon. The kids will look forward to sharing their work, as well as sharing what GOD taught their little hearts. Sunday should be a precious day for the family and this is a way for all the family members - young and old - to learn from God!

We use these methods with our children, as we go to a "family integrated church". They retain SO MUCH since we started implementing this. Another thing to help the ones (say 5 and under) stay quiet or focused AND to retain things is to have them sit by you and tap your arm/leg every time they hear a key word in the sermon. For instance the other day our pastor was talking about praise. I whispered the meaning of praise in Jake's ear (4 years old) and then had him tap me every time he heard the word. At our "review time" with the family every Sunday night he was able to proudly tell me what he had learned! He now looks forward to the "quiz word" every Sunday!


Lisa Metzger

Commit to Family Worship!

This is a MUST-READ for all Christian families! Family worship is a sadly forgotten "must" in today's society. Join the growing numbers who have committed to doing it nightly! Commit to Family Worship!~ Lisa

Many people ask me, "What do 'family devotions' look like at your house?" or, "How do you pastor your family?" or even more simply, "Do you pray or read the Bible with your wife and children?" Here is one attempt to answer those questions. THE REST HERE!

Generation to Generation! A FAMILY Bible Study Class! Consider Starting your Own!

We just started a family Bible study at our church (kids included), which is mainly to encourage fathers to be the priests of their homes, to regularly shepherd their children and to "feed" their wives spiritually. Below is the info on our group, which contains basic principles and a few verses. If this touches your hearts in any way, maybe y’all should consider starting your own Bible study to encourage and DEMONSTRATE how men, who love and follow God, should lead their own families. We believe that this is key to revival!

Here’s a GREAT book that is called, "Family Man, Family Leader." That book is one of my husband’s favorites. It really inspired him to be the father and husband that God wanted him to be. I highly recommend it! On that same site there is a section on Biblical Patriarchy, which has MANY materials on this subject.

Here are some other random verses and articles. I know my husband would know more, but this was all I could think of for now.

Genesis 18:19 – "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him."

Malachi 4:5-6 "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."6

Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."987

Psalm 103:13 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him."

Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."

The Tenets of Biblical Patriarchy
Turning a Father’s Heart
The key for lasting revival

The Vital Importance of Fathers in the Spiritual Lives of Their Children

Again, below is our FAMILY INTEGRATED/MULTI-GENERATIONAL Bible Study Class Announcement. Please consider starting one of your own at your church and feel free to contact my husband, Mark, or me for more information, ideas or information.

Lisa Metzger

Generation to Generation

Equipping Fathers, Strengthening the Family, Serving the Body, Touching the World

We are starting a family integrated Bible class here at Central. This is a Bible study class designed to strengthen the family by equipping husbands/fathers to disciple their families. God has ordained the family as a key place for evangelism. Our desire is to assist fathers in realizing the importance and the responsibility to teach and train their children in the ways of the Lord (See Malachi 4:5-6; Eph. 6:4). Wives/mothers also have an irreplaceable role to fill (See Psalm 128:3; Titus 2:4-5; Proverbs 31:28). We feel it is important for the children, young and old, to be a part of this Bible study class. This will help in building the foundation for family devotions. Babies, children and teens are HIGHLY ENCOURAGED to attend with their parents!

We invite you to join us as we strive to conform to the biblical model of the family and learn how to truly make disciples, starting in our own homes.

This will be a time for:

Praise and worship and prayer
Psalm 95:1 “Come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.”

Teaching
1 Timothy 4:13 “Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.”

Fellowship (eating)
Acts 2:46 “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.”

Are You Still Spoonfeeding?

Hebrews 5:12-14, "You are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat, for every one that uses milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongs to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their sense exercised to discern both good and evil."

When a baby starts to eat solid food around nine months, it is a joy to feed them. As they continue to grow, and yet do not want their food, we play all kinds of games to make them want to eat it. The spoonful of food becomes an airplane, or the poor little kitchen out in the cold waiting to come into the warm home and so on.

However, the time comes when they grab the spoon away from us and want to feed themselves. They want their independence. It is normal. We anticipate the time when they will eat on their own. We teach them to eat on their own. If we were still spoon feeding our children at five or ten years old, we would be in despair.

Yet, isn't it amazing that we often still spoon feed our older children their spiritual food? Some are still being spoon fed in their teens. Many adults are still being spoonfed.

Just as a little baby is nursed at the breast and then begins to receive food from the spoon by the parent, so a newborn babe in Christ needs to be nurtured with food. They cannot feed themselves. But growth is part of God's plan, for physical babies and spiritual babies.

As parents, we love seeing the physical growth of our children. It is exciting to see them take their first steps, to say their first word, and then to grow and develop into adolescents, then teens and then adults, filled with all the wonderful talents God has given them. We should have this same excitement about growth in their spiritual lives.

If they are going to grow, we must teach them to feed themselves. They will stay babies if we keep spoon feeding them.

Many children in Christian homes are taken to Sunday School or Children's Church every Sunday or perhaps a Bible club during the week and the parents feel they are catering for them spiritually. These are good things, but they are spoon feeding. We have a responsibility to teach our children how to feed for themselves, how to read the Word of God themselves, how to listen for God to speak to them personally as they read.

I am so glad that I was taught this principle growing up in my home. We were taught that it was the normal daily feeding pattern to start the day with a Quiet Time--to read the Word of God and pray. We went to church, Sunday School and Bible clubs, but that didn't suffice. We learned to read the Word of God personally, to feed ourselves.

At first the Bible seemed dull and boring, but as I learned how to read it, it became the delight of my life. I could not do without my daily nourishment.

When in my teens, I began to read the Word in faith. As I read with expectancy for God to speak to my heart and for revelation to flood my soul, and because I did not want to forget what God said to me, I wrote it down. I wrote the Scripture that spoke to my heart, what I felt it meant, what God spoke to me personally through it, and then I would write a prayer to the Lord.

I still continue this habit to this day. It is true that "Thoughts tend to disentangle themselves when they flow through lips or cross pencil tips." As I write the Scripture, I see more revelation than when I first read it. As I write what God is saying, more understanding and revelation floods my soul. My spirit is filled up and nourished.

We have recently adopted four teenagers from Liberia, West Africa. I am now teaching them to feed for themselves. As we commence our homeschooling each morning, we start by all opening up the Word of God and reading a certain passage. I teach them to look for God to speak to them.

They then do as I have always done, write the Scripture, write what it means to them and then write a prayer to the Lord. We then go around the table and each one then shares their Scripture and what they have written. They are learning to feed for themselves. We have daily devotions as a family morning and evening, but I inspire the children that this personal time is the most important time of the day.

Don't let your children be spiritual dwarfs with stunted growth. Teach them how to independently hear from God each new day. If you can encourage them to establish this habit they will keep growing all through their lives.


NANCY CAMPBELL

PRAYER:

"Oh Lord, help me to have a healthy appetite for your precious Word. Help me to teach my children how to feed from your Word so that they will grow strong in the Lord. Amen."

AFFIRMATION:

More about Jesus let me learn,

More of His holy will discern;

Hearing His voice in every line,

Making each faithful saying mine.

Many women like to save these devotions. They print them out and keep them in a folder to read over and over again. Some print them out and pin them on the fridge with a magnet to read through the week.

If you know others who would be blessed by these devotions, you are welcome to forward them or let them know they can subscribe by sending a blank Email to subscribers-on@aboverubies.org

The Power of Fathers

Rick Johnson

The father receives his power from God (and from his own father).

Alice Miller, For Your Own Good

Are fathers really all that important? Dr. James Dobson believes that our very survival as a people will depend on the presence or absence of masculine leadership in millions of homes across the country.²

But being a good father isn’t about what kind of parent you are as much as it is about what kind of person you are. What kind of character do you have? How do you approach life and your responsibilities as a father?

Fathers have an innate ability to influence their children and the community around them. I call it "Father Power" in my workshops for men. It’s not the physical power of being bigger and stronger than their wives and kids but the generational power with which God has endowed them—the power that allows fathers to affect people’s lives positively or negatively, for good or evil, for hundreds of years. A father will impact people he doesn’t even know and will never meet. Stu Weber says, The great river of fathering that leaped from the primordial mist of Eden rolls through time and into eternity. How will you bend the course of the tributary that flows in your family? You will affect it, you know. Whether you work at it with all your heart and soul or close your eyes and ears and put your hands in your pockets and pretend it doesn’t exist, you will channel that river in one direction or another. That’s the nature of fathering. You can’t hide from its potency and power. Whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not, whether you believe it or not, your influence will span generations long after you’ve left this earth.³

For instance, if a man sexually molests or abuses his son or daughter, the abuse will adversely affect that child’s whole life. In all likelihood, it will also affect that child’s children’s lives as he or she exhibits the same abusive behavior. And so on it goes throughout the generations until someone courageously breaks the cycle of pain and finds healing. Conversely, men who father intentionally and put their children’s needs ahead of their own start a legacy that snowballs with positive ramifications down through the centuries.

I know one woman whose lineage has been fraught with fatherlessness since her great-grandmother’s time. As a result, each successive generation of young women have themselves become unwed teenage mothers. The legacy is passed on from generation to generation of daughters. These women’s desperate search for masculine love and affection causes them to make choices that confuse sex with love.

So what is this power that fathers seem to possess yet are clueless about or unwilling to acknowledge? I know of no man or woman, regardless of age, who doesn’t still yearn for his or her father’s approval and love. I’ve met seventy-five- and eighty-year-old men and women whose only regret in life is that they never heard their father say, "I love you," or "I’m proud of you." That is a huge power.

Stu Weber states it this way: "There are two ways to recognize power. One is to see it at work. The other way is to measure what happens when it is gone. Either way, Dad is pretty potent. Present or absent. Positive or negative. The power of a father is incredible. . . . There isn’t much of anything in life children can’t face with Dad’s strong hand wrapped tightly around theirs."⁴

Another power that God has endowed us with is the power to create life. No man should plant his seed in a woman, impregnating her, if he is not willing to accept lifelong responsibility for the child he created. With the power to create comes accountability. God holds you responsible and accountable for the welfare of your family. Maturity in a man begins not with age but with the acceptance of that responsibility.

As fathers we have the power to impact generations of lives. Make sure your impact on the twenty-first century is a positive one.

Next Month: Fathers as Spiritual Leaders

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